Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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