she woke up with a sticky ear
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
