Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
