new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
