from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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