new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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