Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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