the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize