Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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