Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
