So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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