wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
