pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
