So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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