Those balls look pretty dangerous.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
