I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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