why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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