And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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