Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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