new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
