Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
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just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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