I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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