So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
