you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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