Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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