I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
