Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
