I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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