I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
