ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
