dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
