She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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