Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
As shirtless as possible
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
