he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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