On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize