God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Welp...herpes.
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I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
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