What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
