I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
