Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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