I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He has the fingertips of a God
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
