I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
