Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
