She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
