I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
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I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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