Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
