connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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