I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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