Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
