I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
