I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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