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just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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