people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him