On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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