These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
and you fell through a lawn chair
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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