I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Reggie can tackle my bush.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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