he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize