well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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