every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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