Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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