Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
