dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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