dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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